It is June 2023. I just spent 30 minutes or so lying in the sun on the patio in my back-yard.
In reference to my personal Journal, I have been having severe panic attacks recently and long onsets of heightened anxiety. Lying in the sun has helped my mood greatly. The warmth of the sun and stones on my skin felt divine and led me to feel more as if I am one with the universe.
I think I have a lot of spiritual development to undergo before I reach my potential in this regard.
A major emotional undertaking of mine has been a perpetual pondering of the nature of my existence. I’ve been entranced in such things as long as I can remember and have continually evolved my perception of life. Through happenstance and coincidence I have come to the resolute understanding that there is a divine being that constitutes a higher plane of existence than the human mind can comprehend. God is absolute and the fundamental centerpiece to the world I inhabit. In what form our God exists is far beyond my understanding. There is a quote whose origins I do not remember that has stuck in my mind throughout my youth which reads something to the effect of “Trying to understand the nature of the Divine is akin to attempting to teach a dog calculus” That is to say that no matter how good of a teacher you are and no matter how in depth the learning material is, even the smartest dog has a limited capacity to understand such things. It is a mechanical limitation placed on the physical vassals which our souls inhabit.
The human soul (and the souls of beings in general) is something I take great interest in. The Biblical idea which is nearly universally recognized “Man was created in God’s image” has been a point of little deliberation to me. In reference to a popular Biblical analysis series I believe consciousness and sentience is the axis in which we reflect God and the human soul is the core on which our existence is built. Whereas the heart can be considered the center point of our physical and emotional existence, the soul is the center point of our spiritual one.
As I gaze up at the sky with my hands interlocked behind my head, I begin to feel the vibrations of the universe. The subtle breeze flowing through the trees, the insects whizzing peacefully by, going about their little insect business. The warmth of the rock and dirt beneath me comforting me with every touch. I wonder what it means for me to lay there. Why I was blessed with such a huge gift as human life. I believe the soul transcends our physical plane and is part of a greater existence beyond the little cage of mankind’s Earth, where we are limited essentially to the ‘x’ and ‘y’ axis of free movement with little opportunity to expand on the ‘z’ axis.
It is difficult to describe the way a soul might be connected to the metaphysical great-beyond. I sometimes wonder if the human experience is some sort of bootcamp where we are placed in this confined space to experience the growth that a Man’s lifetime might offer. There are numerous lessons to learn and literally a lifetime of experiences to be had.
Is there some reason we go through this? Why must we experience love, joy, fear, loss, sadness, heartbreak, and even death? Is there a greater purpose we can serve by developing our souls in such ways? Is there a greater world that awaits us beyond the grave that would benefit from the acquisition of properly developed lives?
I remember something my Mother told me not too long ago which opened my eyes to different ways of thinking about this. Loosely, she said “Our lives in this world are something our souls choose to undertake, knowing what the experience would entail. Some cultures believe that a soul can choose to undergo growth in such a way, and our human world is one of the more difficult ones to endure.” Not only can there be a life after death, but we have lived a life before birth and continue to live with the eternal love of our God. I would say there isn’t even a divide between life and death in that sense, just a perpetual existence which has undergone different stages of being. That is not to say that human souls are eternal or to put us on a level matching what is Divine. Only that as God has created our souls, they exist to serve far more than the relatively short and limited extent of a human lifespan.